By Zhui Qiu, Malaysia
I’m a beautician and my husband is a farmer; we met in Malaysia at an orange throwing event, a traditional activity for women trying to find love. Our wedding, witnessed by a pastor, was held in a church a year later. I was very deeply moved by the pastor’s prayer for our marriage and though I wasn’t religious, I silently implored God: “May this man unswervingly cherish and care for me, and be my companion throughout the rest of my life.”
After starting married life, the conflicts between me and my husband emerged one by one. He would leave the house by 4 a.m. every morning to sell vegetables and wouldn’t get back until after 7 p.m., but I didn’t get off of work until after 10 p.m. We had very little time together. Every time I was dragging my exhausted body back home, I was very much hoping to be on the receiving end of some of my husband’s solicitude, care, and understanding; I wanted him to ask me how work had gone, whether I was happy or not. But to my disappointment, practically every time I came home from work, if he wasn’t watching TV he was messing around on his phone, and sometimes he wouldn’t even bother to greet me. It was just as if I didn’t even exist. This left me really dejected and I gradually grew dissatisfied with my husband.
Once I had a disagreement with a customer and was feeling really irritated and really wronged. After getting home I vented about it to my husband hoping that he would comfort me, but to my surprise, while playing on his phone he just barely acknowledged me, hardly paying any attention. He then put his head down and went straight back to his phone. His complete indifference toward me was really upsetting, so I came at him and yelled, “Are you made of stone? You can’t even have a chat? Do you care about anybody?” Seeing me so angry, he refused to respond. The more of the silent treatment I got, the more my anger built up. I nagged and nagged him, absolutely determined to get him to say something. Unexpectedly, he suddenly yelled back at me, “Haven’t you said enough already?” This made me feel even angrier, and even more wronged, so I continued trying to reason with him. Finally, he just refused to say anything at all, so our argument was pretty much over. There was another time I complained to my husband about something that upset me at work thinking that he would try to make me feel better, but instead he responded abruptly, cold as ice, “It takes two to tango. All you see is other people’s problems—why don’t you take a look at yourself?” My temper flared up instantly and I couldn’t stop myself from giving him a piece of my mind. Filled with resentment, I thought, “What sort of person is he? Why did I get married to someone like him? He has absolutely no consideration for my feelings—he doesn’t have a single word of consolation for me!” From then on I almost entirely stopped sharing what happened at work with him. At some point later he tried to ask me about my job, but I never felt like paying him any mind. He gradually stopped asking me about anything. We came to have fewer and fewer common topics of conversation and whenever something frustrating happened I’d just go find a friend to lend me an ear. Sometimes I’d stay out late talking to someone and wouldn’t get home until after midnight. Even when I came home so late, he still didn’t seem to care but just said I was treating our home like a hotel. I felt really put out, and my dissatisfaction with my husband grew, leading us to bicker and argue really frequently. Both of us were suffering. I didn’t want things to continue on that way, so I decided to find a chance to have a good talk with him.
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The Call of the Almighty 